The Emotion of Sex

~ By Kimberly Llewellyn

Ah, yes, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. The time when couples profess their love with tokens of chocolates, flowers, and romantic dinners. It’s also a time when hearts turn hopeful to the promise of love.

The realm of romantic possibility in one’s life can be achingly thrilling. It can fill one with a crushing anxiety over the question of, “will he or won’t he?”

Will he look at me the way I look at him? Will the brush of his skin against mine send him into a sensual tailspin the way it does me?  Won’t he just send me a sole devilish look that offers a promise of something more? Because if he did cast that solitary glance my way, my insides would burn and my very soul would collapse. The glint in his eye alone would send me venturing into physically exciting, but emotionally dangerous, territory. But am I really willing to risk losing my very heart and soul to him?

The sexual tension in any novel is both physical and emotional. This heightens the senses. It stimulates the body inside and out. It tortures the heart with emotions in so many glorious ways.

This is the emotion of sex.

The emotion of sex is a powerful one. It is responsible for the winning streaks of sports heroes. At the very least, the emotion of sex compels one to get out of bed every morning…just to see that certain someone. It provides the emotional and physical fuel to fight the good fight. It makes one want to be a better person; do better, perform better, feel better.

Sex as emotion? Yes.

This internal drive is why men build skyscrapers. It’s why the corporate executive comes into the office early just to see the beautiful secretary he’s secretly ga-ga over. It’s why a woman makes sure she looks her best when she knows she is going to run into the man of her dreams that day.

It’s why the heroes of our books find themselves doing the darnest of things that they’d never do for anyone, except for that one crazy, beautiful woman he can’t get out of his mind, the heroine.

This innate drive is in our very nature. We simply can’t help ourselves.

Think of the aggressive bull in a bull pen. His territorial instincts tell him to keep the best female(s) for himself. He’s driven to fight off all the other males. He instinctively works hard to be powerful, strong, and mighty to be the best and keep interested the female he desires most.

Sounds like the male love interest in many books, doesn’t it?

While this emotion might be difficult to grasp at first, just think of what life would be like without the emotion of sex.

Let’s say, that aggressive, randy bull is castrated. What happens then? He becomes disinterested and docile as a lamb. He’s lost his fight. He’s lost the emotion of sex.

For the male love interest in our stories, this internal fight goes beyond hormones, beyond just the physical. It’s profoundly emotional. Our hero needs the love of a good woman to keep him going, or at least, the promise of love, even if it’s a woman he believes he can never have.

In our stories, we writers never make it easy for the hero to have the object of his desire. It’s more delicious when he believes in his heart he can truly never have her. Just think of the lengths he’ll go to claim her. Think of all those skyscrapers! Oh sure, our spunky leading lady may occasionally give him the time of day, and maybe even tumble into bed with our hero from time to time, but can he truly have her heart?

His desire for her heart can be maddening. If she ultimately rejected him, his own heart surely would fracture. The emotion of sex has deepened and the hero makes it his mission to claim this woman as his own. He can’t live without her. He longs to be one with her. He is obsessed with her and is ultimately driven to do whatever it takes to make her happy and have her as his own.

The emotion of sex also reminds women that we are desirable. We are wanted. And we are loved.

Yes, it’s primal.

Yes, it’s passionate.

Yes, it’s the emotion of sex.

The emotion of sex is played out in the pages of Kimberly Llewellyn’s recent indie Amazon Best Seller, Almost a Bride. Known as, “the Wedding Writer,†she is the award-winning author of two chick lit novels by Berkley Books and several published romance novels (Avalon and Kensington). In March, she will be teaching an online course, Cracking the Romance the Code, Unlocking Storytelling Secrets for Writing the Quintessential Romance Novel at

Author website



Savvy Authors Course

5 thoughts on “The Emotion of Sex”

  1. Wonderful blog. Thanks for putting into words what sometimes eludes me when writing those all important scenes. I’ve always loved the notion that the hero will do just about anything (way out of character for Alpha Males) for that woman he desires.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *